


Hang on Until the Scenery Changes

by fhsa_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Holidays, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-02
Updated: 2004-06-02
Packaged: 2019-02-05 16:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Written for the transportation Lyric Wheel. Lyrics supplied byJoyce. I must also thank Elaine, Elizabeth and Julie for their thoughts onthe lyrics. Without the input I'm not sure where this would have gone. Thetitle I must credit to Deb on Queer as Folk.





	Hang on Until the Scenery Changes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Lost in the silence, I think of the man who is holding my heart. I

remember his smile as he told me that no matter how far apart we were,

we'd never be more than a heartbeat away. I didn't understand what he

meant for the longest time. 

 

But now I have him with me ever day. Just not in the way I thought I

would. 

 

I've been a prisoner in this hellhole for several years. I'm not even

sure how long anymore. I kept track at first, but after a while, I stopped

trying. A few days ago they told me I was dead. That the man who once said

he would love me forever had killed me. 

 

Of course, it wasn't really me. And I'm sure the duplicate did whatever

needed to be done for him to be executed. They even played the tape for

me. I didn't know Walter could look so cold. It had been a very long time

since I'd shown any emotions in front of them. Somehow I managed not to

then. 

 

Even though my heart was breaking, I didn't let them see it. That was the

day I decided to die. They had killed my only reason for living when they

killed Walter's love for me. As long as I had that, I'd make it through

anything. But now that was gone. 

 

I stopped eating and waited to die. 

 

The war continues. It's a war few know about. A few months ago I gave up

trying to work from inside and left my life behind. Doggett thinks I take

too many risks. But what the fuck does he know? He doesn't know what it's

like to kill the only one you love, ever loved. 

 

I dream of him most nights, wake with a smile until I realize that he's

not beside me. Then the long highway looms - that longest highway between

the living and the dead. And I long for the time when I will join him

there. When we can forgive and love again. 

 

Someone once told me that there are times you have to just hang on until

the scenery changes. And that's how I got through each day. Hanging on,

paying them back. 

 

Doggett handed me the camouflage paint stick and I striped my face

hurriedly. We were going in under cover of darkness, just before dawn, as

we did with most of our raids. We'd heard that this lab held many

prisoners and we all prayed we were prepared for what we'd find. 

 

We had some newer recruits with us. I had ordered each of them paired

with an older team member. I didn't trust the FNG's to do what would

probably be needed. But I did trust them to keep watch while the older

guys did. 

 

I had our newest kid with me. Even in his camouflage he looked about

fourteen. I knew he was twice that. Knew he was keeping Doggett warm most

nights. But who was I to say anything about that, when any of us could be

dead tomorrow. 

 

We entered the lab with little resistance. John had done his research

well. I sent teams in different directions then led the kid along a quiet

corridor. John hadn't been able to find out what or who was housed in this

wing. That's why I took it for myself. I knew I wouldn't hesitate. 

 

The first two rooms held corpses, which looked like props from an Alien

movie, you pick which one. The third was occupied with what had once been

a human. I never hesitated, just released her from this world. I'll give

the boy credit, he puked, but his eyes never left his assigned field of

surveillance. 

 

Guess John was rubbing off on him. But then, if I had taken a lover, and

offers had been made, I would be training him to stay alive. I mean, no

need to get his ass trained for fucking and let him make a stupid mistake

in the field, right? 

 

The boy didn't flinch at the next kill. Yeah, John was rearing him well.

We were down to the last room in the corridor. I kicked the door open and

scanned the room. The man in the bed wasn't much more than a skeleton. He

was bound to the bed with an almost empty IV hanging at his side. There

was also a chart hanging at the foot of the bed, unlike in the other

rooms. 

 

"Boy, get inside the door but keep an eye on the corridor." 

 

"Yes, Sir." 

 

He did as he was told, arranging himself so the least amount possible

would be visible to anyone entering the corridor. I nodded at his

placement and picked up the chart. 

 

Subject: Alex Krycek 

 

I froze. Couldn't be, I'd killed him. Walking swiftly around the bed I

felt for a pulse. It was there, weak, but there. Throwing the blankets

back I looked for and found the tiny scar. 

 

Plucking the radio from my vest I spoke quickly. 

 

"I'm bringing someone out. He'll need an IV and maybe an airway." 

 

John's voice came on, "Walter, who is it?" 

 

"The real Krycek." 

 

I'll give John credit for not asking questions then. While I was getting

the needle out of Alex's arm and removing the restraints, the boy killed

three men and one of the aliens. I'd never think of him as an FNG again. 

 

I grabbed the papers from the chart, rolled them up and stuffed them in

my shirt. As I threw Alex over my shoulder, I gave the boy quick

instructions. 

 

"We're heading for the rendezvous point. If it moves and it isn't one of

us, shoot it and keep moving. Understand?" 

 

"Yes, Sir." 

 

"Take point and don't look back." 

 

He gave a quick nod and moved into the corridor. We set a fast pace. Alex

was nothing but bones so I barely noticed his weight, what with all the

adrenaline thrumming through my body. Once we cleared the building we

broke into a trot. 

 

When we reached rendezvous, one of the medics was standing next to a

stretcher. He took one look at my face and knew better than to say what he

was thinking. I placed Alex carefully down and stepped back enough to let

the medic work. 

 

He checked for vitals then grabbed a swab and soon had a new IV going.

John jogged up just as he injected something into the IV. Touching my arm

carefully, John asked his first question. 

 

"Walter, what makes you think that's Alex Krycek?" 

 

I pulled the papers from my shirt and gave them to him. He read the

information on the top page then followed with us as we got Alex in the

van. 

 

"This doesn't prove anything, Walter." 

 

"I checked for the scar I once gave him. I don't think they would have

bothered copying that." 

 

"But they could have. Where is it?" 

 

"His foreskin." 

 

His eyebrows did what I think of as a Scully. 

 

"His foreskin? Something I need to know here?" 

 

"Only if he lives." 

 

"Let's get back home." 

 

"Yeah. I'm riding back with him. And, John, your boy did a damn fine job

today. I can tell he's listening to the things you're trying to teach them

all." 

 

John turned to look at his lover and he grinned. I watched as he cuffed

the back of the kid's head before wrapping his arm around him. Sure was

good to see him being so open. But then, there was no place in our world

anymore for homophobia. And hopefully the rest of the world would figure

that out soon. 

 

I held on to Alex's skeletal hand on the way back to base. Left John to

do the de-briefing as I followed Alex's stretcher into the clinic. I

stayed against the wall as the doctors inspected him. The bedsores were

deep and infected. I cringed for him as they were cleaned and treated. 

 

He was given several injections. Antibiotics, vitamins, probably

something to make sure he didn't feel any pain if he woke. Then the head

of our medical team came over to me as one of the orderlies started

getting him as clean as he could. 

 

"Walter, there's no sign of alien infection. You can see for yourself

that he is undernourished. You have any idea why he was restrained?" 

 

"No. I didn't read the chart past his name. I verified his identity and

got him out of there." 

 

"You knew him?" 

 

"Don't use the past tense, Jason. He's going to make it." 

 

"You didn't answer my question." 

 

"He was my lover. He's the only man I ever loved." 

 

"Reason enough right there to keep him alive. Why don't you go eat and

grab a shower? I'll get him in one of the bigger beds so you can hold him

while he sleeps if you want." 

 

"Is that some new form of treatment?" 

 

"Just thought if he wakes he's less likely to panic if he finds a pair of

burly arms around him instead of straps holding him down." 

 

"Thanks, Jason." 

 

I went in search of food and a hot shower. I was still under the water

when John tracked me down. 

 

"We didn't lose any men this time, Walter. Couple of through and throughs

but they won't even need to miss their next assignment. By the way, you

made Macon proud when you said he did well. Thanks for that. I've been

trying to built up his confidence." 

 

"He may look like a high school kid but he did a good job out there

today. I wasn't joking when I said it's obvious he's paying attention. Did

we get any decent intel?" 

 

"I think so. We brought out a bunch of files. Walter, are you sure it was

a good idea to..." 

 

"Don't go there, John." 

 

I had turned the water off and reached for a towel. That's when I

realized that John was looking - I mean looking as in checking me out.

He'd never done that before. But then he'd never before had a reason to

suspect my real inclinations. 

 

"Listen, John, since I'm putting you in charge for a few days, you might

as well know. Alex and I were lovers when he worked at the bureau." 

 

"I figured there had to be some form of intimacy for you to have left a

scar on his foreskin. Was he sent to blackmail you?" 

 

"No. Alex never told them about us. If he had, they certainly would have

used that against me. It was more than sex from the beginning." 

 

"Want to tell me how you scarred him?" 

 

"Not now. When he's better, we'll all have a good drunk together and I'll

let him tell you. It'll give him a chance to make me feel guilty." 

 

By that time I had pulled on my old worn sweats. John walked with me back

toward the clinic. He veered off to go to his quarters and I knew Macon

was waiting impatiently. Thing about missions is you always want to fuck

like demons when you come back. 

 

I entered the clinic to find Jason going over Alex's chart information.

Looking up at me he nodded. 

 

"Walter, from what it says here, Krycek was tied down because he refused

to eat. They were trying to keep him alive. From the date it seems he

stopped eating shortly after you shot his double. They told him about

that, hoping to get him to turn so they could send him back out." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Yeah. According to this and some stuff one of the techs brought me, he's

been in that place since shortly after he left the bureau. They sent out

his twin to do the things he refused to do." 

 

"You mean that was his brother I killed?" 

 

"Not exactly. He was a cousin who was surgically altered to look more

like Alex. And since the only people who really knew him never got close

enough to him to verify otherwise - it worked." 

 

I thought back to a night he'd spent on my balcony. Damn, if I'd been

less moral I would have known that night. If I'd even looked at the body

after I'd killed that man I would have known. All that time lost to us

now. 

 

The rage that swept through me must have shown on my face because Jason

reached out, then aborted the gesture before he actually touched me. I

counted to one hundred before I spoke again. 

 

"What else?" 

 

"They experimented on him, no surprise there. We found evidence that they

mixed his DNA with yours and Mulder's more than once. There may be some

kids out there that are part of you both. They tortured him in other ways

listed in the files. Since he's gay I can't be sure if he was ever raped.

But if he was it wasn't recently." 

 

"I hurt him a couple of times when we were rushed. He always said he

didn't mind because he knew I didn't mean to do it." 

 

"Yeah, you don't strike me as the abusive sort. We got him cleaned up

pretty well. Shaved his head and beard, the hair was just too matted to do

anything else, and we wanted to check for scars there as well. He's in the

room at the end of the hall. I'll make sure no one bothers you so you can

get some sleep. If he wakes, have me called: I want to take care of him

personally." 

 

"Thanks, Jason." 

 

I headed down the hallway and entered the room. He looked so fragile

lying there. White on white. I walked around to the side of the bed with

no medical equipment. Stripping down I slipped under the blankets with

him. I carefully worked one arm under his neck, the other I wrapped around

his waist. His head settled on my shoulder as it had on the few nights

when we had actually slept together. 

 

I didn't expect to sleep but I did. 

 

I woke without pain for the first time in a long time. At first I thought

I was dreaming. Knew I had to be dreaming because someone was holding me.

And that couldn't be right because I could still taste the IV fluid. 

 

I stayed very still because, if it was a dream, I didn't really want to

leave it. Next, my nose came on-line and I smelled him. It had been years

since I'd lain in Walter's arms but the rich, male scent of him I'd never

forgotten. That is what opened my eyes. That is the one thing they

couldn't have faked for me. 

 

I twisted my head and there was his profile. My mind catalogued the

changes. Less hair, now steel gray, more lines around his eyes. 

 

The door opened and I watched the doctor enter. My fear kept me silent

and still. But the eyes that looked at me were kind, the voice was soft. 

 

"You're awake, that's good. Let's do this quietly and maybe he'll sleep

right through it. I'm Jason. Can you tell me your name?" 

 

"Alex." 

 

It was little more than a croak. My voice felt strange to me. It had been

months since I had spoken to anyone. 

 

"We'll get you some crushed ice, that should help you talk. But first you

need another bag of fluid and more meds. You're pretty run down,

dehydrated, lots of bedsores." 

 

"Could..." I started coughing and Walter was instantly alert. 

 

"Don't just stand there, get him something!" 

 

I remembered that roar. Obviously he didn't scare Jason, even though he

left the room. My coughing fit had ended by the time he got back with a

cup of ice and instructions for me to suck it slowly. 

 

Walter had moved us into a sitting position being careful of the IV line.

He shifted me, as though I were weightless, which compared to what I

weighed the last time I was in a bed with him was almost true. Now I was

sitting between his legs and realized we were both naked. 

 

There was no arousal, I didn't have the wherewithal for that, but I felt

safe. I still thought I must be dead and in heaven but then in heaven

shouldn't I look good and not need an IV? 

 

Jason checked my temperature while Walter spooned some ice into my mouth.

 

 

"Almost normal. Feel like you can talk yet?" 

 

"Do I have to keep the IV? I promise I'll drink anything you give me. And

I'll eat just as soon as you say my body's ready for that." 

 

My voice still felt rusty but they seemed to understand. 

 

"I guess it's a reminder of being bound to that bed." 

 

"It isn't just that. I can taste it." 

 

"What?" Walter sounded as if he thought I had lost my mind. 

 

"Some people can actually 'taste' the IV, Walter. Alex, I want to get at

least one more bag in you. But I'll get some juice to help kill the taste,

how's that?" 

 

"Thanks." 

 

I let my head rest back against Walter as Jason changed the IV bag and

injected something into it. 

 

"Antibiotics and vitamins, and if you need it I'll give you a pain

killer." 

 

"I'm not having any pain right now but believe me I'll let you know. They

gave me enough pain to last my lifetime and yours as well." 

 

"Good. I'll go get juice, maybe some tea?" 

 

"Both sound good to me. Thanks." 

 

Jason left the room and Walter continued to spoon ice into my mouth until

the cup was empty. 

 

"How long have I been here?" I rubbed my head with my free hand and

realized I was bald. 

 

"It's been four days since I found you. Lucky thing it was me, some of

the others might have just shot you. They shaved your head to look for

scars and because your hair was so matted it would have taken hours to get

a comb through it." 

 

"I hope you killed them all." 

 

"I think one or two may have slipped away, but not many. My team is

pretty good." 

 

"I didn't expect to ever leave that place. When they showed me the tape

of you killing 'me', I gave up. Until then I could cling to the hope that

you still loved me. But when I saw the tape and how cold you looked as you

killed him - I knew they'd made you hate me. 

 

"I'm sorry, Alex." 

 

"For what, Walter?" 

 

"That I didn't look for you." 

 

"Why would you? You thought I was out in the world doing god knows what."

 

 

"I should have known that wasn't you." 

 

"How could you? He looked just like me, sounded like me. There was no way

for you to know I hadn't gone over to the other side." 

 

"I should have done..." 

 

His words ended as I kissed him. I knew if the kiss didn't, the halitosis

would get him thinking about something else for a while. His arms

tightened around me. It was short I didn't have the energy for long

passionate kissing. 

 

"Let it go for now, Walter. You got me out, saved my life: that's what

matters right now." 

 

Jason came in the door before he had a chance to respond. The tray he

carried contained several forms of liquid. Green tea, two kinds of juice,

clear broth and coffee for him and Walter. 

 

"Want the tea first or the juice?" 

 

"Juice. I can't remember the last time I had any." 

 

"Tomato or orange?" 

 

"Orange but I'll have the tomato later if that's alright?" 

 

They watched me as I drank the juice, taking it slow because my stomach

had been empty for a long time. When I finished that, Jason took the glass

and put it on the tray. 

 

"Walter, get up and let me check his bedsores, that should give the juice

time to settle." 

 

I felt slightly embarrassed for Jason to know Walter was naked in the bed

with me. Walter however had no problem with throwing the covers back and

getting out of bed. He helped Jason roll me over and he even helped with

cleaning the sores and covering them with fresh bandages. 

 

Then I was lifted in Walter's arms and held as the bed was changed. That

action made me acutely aware of the foley. Jason saw my face as I looked

at the tube leading to the bag. 

 

"It was necessary, Alex. Now that you're awake, we'll take it out." 

 

He was brisk and efficient with the removal and it was a relief to be rid

of it. They'd had me cathed as well. For the first time in a long time I

felt human. 

 

With Alex settled back in the bed, I decided I needed to get out of the

room for a while. I dressed as he watched, a closed expression on his

face. I could almost read his thought but I did need to check on things

and I needed to get straight in my mind what I wanted now that I was sure

he would live. 

 

I walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss him. 

 

"I'll be back soon. I just need to check on some things. Jason will take

care of you until I get back. Jason, will you see about getting him a

toothbrush and some toothpaste? He's smelled a lot better." 

 

I smiled to take the sting from my words and slipped out the door. I

walked quickly to the office I used for research and planning. John was

inside at his desk and looked up as I came in. 

 

"He's awake." 

 

It was a statement not a question. The last four days he had come to

Alex's room to talk to me. I had left it only to shower and grab food.

John's eyes asked the questions his mouth didn't voice. 

 

"Yeah. I thought I should check in and see how things are going." 

 

"I would have come to you with a report. Or do you not trust him to

hear?" 

 

"I needed some space. Drop it, will you?" 

 

"I think you need to talk about it." 

 

"No, I don't. Just tell me what's going on." 

 

He brought me up to date on the ongoing projects. I listened with half an

ear. Alex was on my mind. Now that he was awake, fantasy time was over. It

was time to face the reality of where we go from here. 

 

I'd never stopped loving him, not even when I killed him. By that point I

was putting down a rabid dog not a lover. 

 

Alex had taken me places no other lover ever had. The sex had been

phenomenal. And when I'd held him after it, he'd melded with me in a way

no one else ever had. The last few nights had reminded me of that. I

didn't think I could go back to sleeping without him. 

 

But he might not want me anymore. 

 

I watched him leave and I guess my fear must have been in my eyes. 

 

"Don't worry, Alex. He won't be gone long. I don't think he's been out of

this room more than three hours since he brought you in." 

 

"May I have the tea now?" 

 

"Yeah. After that want a shower?" 

 

"God yes." 

 

"Ok. Drink the tea and I'll go set up a bench for you to sit on. And you

go there and back by wheelchair, understand?" 

 

"I'll do it any way you want. I can't even remember the last time I was

in a shower." 

 

He left me alone with the cup of warm tea and my thoughts. I still wanted

Walter as much as the first time I'd seen him. Love? Yeah, that too. But,

looking down at my body, I didn't see how anyone could want me. I'm not an

idiot: I knew I'd never be as strong and healthy as I was when we'd met. 

 

Now I looked like the corpse of someone who'd survived multiple

surgeries, the souvenirs of several torture sessions. Every bone in my

body showing, barely covered by skin. Some boy toy, right? 

 

Although that's not really fair. He never treated me like a sex toy. My

pleasure was as important as his was; I always knew that, even when he

teased. 

 

I knew he must not have a lover, no one who'd ever slept with him would

tolerate him sleeping with me, even if I was a bag of bones. So I'd just

have to get better as fast as I could so I could show him it could still

be good for us. 

 

Jason came back with a chair and I was soon sitting under a spray of warm

water. It felt so incredibly good to get really clean. When I turned off

the water, he held out a toothbrush and paste. I admit to being exhausted

by the time we got back to my room. But I asked for the broth anyway.

Jason seemed pleased. 

 

I drifted off to sleep once the broth was finished. When I woke, Walter

was in a chair by the bed, reading. 

 

"Hey." 

 

He looked up at me. 

 

"Hey, back." 

 

"Could I get something to drink?" 

 

"Jason said you can try some Jell-O if you want." 

 

"Yuck. Pudding?" 

 

"Sure. I'll go get it, be right back." 

 

He wasn't gone long and he brought back two flavors. I took the

chocolate. We were silent as I ate. 

 

"Alex, I..." 

 

"Yes?" 

 

"This is so difficult." 

 

"It's been years. A lot has happened. I understand you've probably moved

on..." 

 

"Will you shut up? I haven't 'moved on', that's the whole point. But you

may want something different from what we had then. You've been a prisoner

for years, Alex. You've been hurt and experimented on. Maybe you want to

go have a life." 

 

"Do you know why I was dying? Had stopped eating? Because of the tape of

you shooting 'me'. All that kept me going in that place was the thought of

you and the promise you made to love me forever. When I saw they'd taken

that last thing from me, I wanted to die." 

 

"They didn't take that. My heart was breaking as I fired that gun. I was

that boy in Old Yeller. Doing what I knew needed doing even though it was

killing me inside." 

 

I looked at the empty pudding cup I was still holding. Words had never

been our strongest thing. That promise had been made the last night I'd

slept in his arms. It had come after the one and only time I topped him. 

 

Now there was so much I wanted to say, but I wasn't ready, just in case

he was only being kind. 

 

"Alex?" 

 

"Yes." My voice was little more than a whisper. 

 

"May I hold you?" 

 

"I'd like that." 

 

He stood and I kept my eyes closed as he took the cup and spoon. I heard

the sounds of him undressing and was glad we would be skin to skin. When

he slipped into the bed next to me, I couldn't stop the small sigh. His

strong hand cupped my face as he kissed me. Then I was settled full length

against him. 

 

"Now you smell like my Alex." 

 

It was over two months before Jason let me leave the clinic. But it

wasn't too bad since Walter slept next to me at night and ate most of his

meals with me. I managed to wheedle him into telling me about a lot of

what happened while I was a prisoner. 

 

Walter had gone out on three raids during that time and I'd been a

nervous wreck each time he was gone. Jason had spent the time with me,

trying to distract me. 

 

Walter had left the debriefings to John each time and come straight to my

room so that I could see he was fine. Then he would shower and eat. 

 

Doggett had come to talk to me once when Walter was out getting supplies.

He'd made it clear that I'd have to win his trust. Never expected to be

vetted by Walter's comrade. 

 

The third raid he went on they brought him back on a stretcher. Jason

always went to meet them when they got back in case he was needed, so he

sent someone to get me. I ran down the hallway to the treatment room. He

was pretty out of it, a big goose egg on the side of his head, but he held

my hand and tried to focus on me when I said his name. I didn't even care

that I was broadcasting my feelings for him to the whole room, Doggett

included. 

 

He watched me as I stood by Walter while Jason treated the minor cuts. I

refused to leave him while they did the x-ray so they covered me, not that

I was worried about my swimmers. I didn't sleep that night. It was my turn

to watch over him. With the concussion, he needed to be cared for. 

 

This happened a week before Jason let me move from the clinic. I was

still scrawny but my hair was growing back in pretty fast. Walter just

assumed that I'd move into his quarters and I was happy with this. 

 

I'd asked Jason privately if there was any reason that I couldn't have

sex again. Since my dick had decided to wake up, Walter had refused,

saying I needed to recover. Until he told me he had purchased things for

me and put them in his place, I had worried that he didn't want me that

way again. 

 

So my release date arrived and Walter helped me pack the few things I had

there. They didn't make me ride out in a wheelchair but Walter kept his

hand on my arm. We walked across the area between the buildings and that

was my first real clue as to the size of the place. My room at the clinic

had faced the woods. 

 

He led me between two buildings and down a path into the woods. The cabin

we entered wasn't overly big. A nice size common room, kitchen at the

back, stairs to the loft against the wall just inside the door. He pointed

out the bathroom door to me. 

 

"Want to go lie down? I know you still tire easily." 

 

"Only if you come with me. Otherwise I'd like to stay down here with

you." 

 

"Sure." 

 

He moved across to the entertainment center. 

 

"We don't get very good reception here, but I have a lot of dvd's and

plenty of music. I even picked up some of the ones I remembered you liked.

Next time I make a supply run you can go with me and get some things." 

 

"Thanks, Walter." 

 

"I want you to be comfortable here, Alex. We have a library in the

building with the clinic so you can get stuff to read there. And then..." 

 

"Walter, will you shut up and kiss me." 

 

"Yeah, I guess I can do that." 

 

He wrapped his arms around me and I felt like I was finally home. 

 

I held his poor damaged body close as I kissed him. My guilt was

overwhelming. I was the cause of so much of what had happened to him. He

had kept me safe, but at such a high price to himself. And there had been

no recriminations. When I looked at him, all I saw was love in his eyes. 

 

He rubbed against me, making sure that I could feel him getting hard

against me. I had refused to have sex with him in the clinic, even when

he'd asked. There were multiple reasons for my refusal. 

 

I wasn't going to get caught having sex in a clinic for one. Gossip was

doing the rounds enough and I needed to keep some of my life private. Even

if it was just the way my ass moves when I fuck. Soon enough they would

all know that I'd taken a male lover. I didn't intend to hide him. 

 

There was also the fact that the first request came while he was still so

weak he probably wouldn't have gotten much out of it. And the bedsores

were still bad. I didn't want to put any pressure on his body then. 

 

But mostly it was the guilt. Why should I have pleasure when he would

have none? 

 

Alex slipped one leg between mine and started to ride me. His hands

tearing at my shirt. I pushed him back gently. 

 

"Slow down. I'm going to give you what you want. Hell, Jason threatened

me. Told me I better be giving you the best medicine there is." 

 

"What's that?" 

 

"Good loving, of course." 

 

"Whoo hoo!" 

 

I took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. He ran ahead of me and

up the stairs, throwing his shirt over his shoulder. I chuckled as I

caught it. When I reached the top, he was undressed and looking a little

nervous. I knew he was thinking about how different he looked from the

last time that I'd made love to him. 

 

I stripped hurriedly. Now that the time had come I wanted him so badly.

Stepping close to the bed I threw back the duvet and, hand on his arm,

guided us onto the bed where we curled up together. We kissed and I kept

it to that for a while, until he forgot to be nervous. Then I rolled him

onto his back in the center of the bed. 

 

He watched quietly as I opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a

condom. He gasped as I rolled it over him. 

 

"Walter?" 

 

"You're still not completely well so we do this my way or not at all." 

 

I tried to look stern but I don't think he bought it since he gave me a

sassy grin. 

 

I reached into the drawer again and got the lube. I rubbed a generous

amount onto his covered dick then reached behind to rub the excess between

my cheeks. His eyes sparkled at me and I knew he was feeling emotional. 

 

But then so was I. 

 

I moved into position and lowered myself slowly. I hadn't had anything

but hand jobs and blow jobs since the last time we were together so I was

pretty tight. And Alex isn't exactly average in that department. 

 

His hands caressed up my stomach to my chest as I leaned down to kiss

him. I stayed still for a long moment letting my body adjust to the feel

of him. When I pulled back for air he whispered, "I'd almost forgotten how

good you feel. I've missed us so much, Walter." 

 

"So have I." 

 

I rose up, pulling off all but the tip of his dick, and dropped back

down. His low moan sent a shiver through me. I straightened up so I could

take him in deep and started to ride. We were both soon covered with sweat

and I worried for a moment about how loudly he was panting but when I

tried to slow down, he yelled at me. 

 

"God! Walter, don't stop now. Please, I'll die if you stop now!" 

 

I gave him a deep kiss while sitting still with his hips bucking against

me. If the vigor of his movements were any indication he was recovering

quite nicely. 

 

Rising up, I worked myself up and down on him with as much speed and

strength as I could. His hands scrabbled to tangle and rip at the sheets. 

 

"Gonna come, Walter, can't hold it." 

 

I dropped, his hips pushed up against me and he jerked and whispered my

name. I stayed still and watched as he slowly floated back to me. He was

still hard so I moved against him more rocking than actually fucking. 

 

As I reached for my cock he pushed my hand aside and stroked me. Hard and

fast the way he always had. When my come spurted over his hand, I grunted

loudly. I saw the smile that spread on his face as he raised his hand to

lick it clean. I moaned low in my throat as I watched. 

 

He might still be a bag of bones but he was the sexiest bag of bones on

the planet. I bent down resting against him, keeping most of my weight on

my arms and legs, while touching as much of him as possible. His hands

moved slowly over my back and after a couple of minutes stopped. 

 

I rose up to look at him and he was sleeping with a little Mona Lisa

smile. So I got up to clean up. He opened his eyes for a second as I

washed him down but didn't even grunt as I got him under the covers.

Holding him, he snuggled in closer to me and murmured "Love you." I kissed

his head and I drifted off to sleep. I wanted him totally awake when I

said the words to him again. 

 

Epilogue: 

 

We were celebrating. The planet was ours again, the only aliens left were

the ones who'd helped us and most of those would be leaving soon. An

embassy would be set up for them with Walter and John as the main

liaisons. Mulder and Scully had never returned from their last foray but

we had heard that they were safe. 

 

Walter figured they just wanted to hide away and be together. He had

never thought the relationship was healthy but he wasn't going to try and

intervene. Let them have the life they wanted was his attitude, especially

since he intended to. 

 

So we were sitting in a corner of a bar with John and Macon getting

quietly drunk. Macon was practically humping John. John pushed him gently

away, telling him to just wait a little while. Then he turned and looked

at me. 

 

"Alex, the night we brought you in, Walt told me that one day we'd get

drunk and he'd have you tell me the story." 

 

"What story?" 

 

"The story about how you got that scar." 

 

I was pretty drunk myself by then and not focusing so well and didn't get

what he meant. I have a lot of scars. 

 

"The one he gave you, on your dick." 

 

"Oh, that one." Walter groaned and I snickered at him. 

 

"Well, you see it isn't exactly on my dick. It's from a little tear in my

foreskin." 

 

"Whatever. Spill it." 

 

I laughed. I roared. I started to fall to the floor. Walter caught me and

growled. 

 

"It's not that fucking funny. Just tell him and give me my guilt trip

then we'll go back to our room and I'll kiss it all better." 

 

John and Macon were starring at me, no doubt wondering why I was

laughing. I pulled myself up straight and looked anywhere but at Walter.

Finally, settled on looking at John. 

 

"Ever hear of foreskin shooters?" 

 

Macon looked even more confused while John's eyes tracked to Walter. I

peeked over to see the scowl on Walter's face. 

 

"I didn't want to spill it. What? It was the last of the bottle." 

 

John and I were laughing, as Macon still looked lost. Walter covered his

eyes. 

 

"I understand Walter, it was the end of the bottle and the liquor stores

were closed, right?" 

 

"John, it was fucking Bruichladdich Valinch. He'd brought it back for me

from Scotland." 

 

"So?" 

 

"John, I paid around two hundred dollars for that with import fees and

all. I filled the bottle myself at the distillery. That's the only way to

get it." 

 

"What is a foreskin shooter?" Macon demanded. 

 

"Well, you see, you pull the foreskin up and fill it with your drink of

choice then deep throat it. Works better if you aren't hard or if you have

a lot of skin to use." I liked the way John explained things. 

 

"Sounds like fun. Tell us a bedtime story, Alex." Macon smiled at me

eager to hear anything about his other idol. 

 

My face was turning red. I was embarrassed but overwhelming happy that he

was here to do that to me. And it was John and Macon after all, two men

who had both saved us and been saved by us. So I stuffed down the urge to

grab him and pull him from the room. After all, I had promised John I'd

let Alex tell the story. 

 

"We'd gone out to club - you know a night out to drink and dance. Neither

of us had to worry about how much we drank, so we'd taken a cab. When we

got home we decided to continue drinking." 

 

"How drunk were you?" 

 

"Very. Walter, didn't get out of bed until after one." 

 

"Yep, you were shit faced." John grinned. "Continue, please." 

 

"We lit a fire - in the fireplace - perverts." 

 

Walter's head hit the table. And he started to bang it slowly, but

quietly. I continued my story. 

 

"Sitting naked on the floor we added to the amount of booze already

floating in our bloodstream. Finally, he held up the almost empty bottle

and leered at me. 

 

"Ever tried foreskin shooters?" 

 

"No, what's that." 

 

"You pull up the foreskin as much as possible, pour in your favorite

liquor, then swallow the cock - booze and all." 

 

"Was he so drunk he bit you?" 

 

"No, he swallowed just fine and was pulling up off me when his fingers

trailed over a tickle spot he didn't know I had. I yelped and jumped. One

of his canines caught me just right and the skin tore." 

 

Walter's head made a loud thunk and I reached to rub the back of his

neck. John was grinning. 

 

"Walter, you big old meany you." 

 

Walter raised his head and glared at John. Macon chuckled and the brown

eyes tracked to him. Grabbing John's arm, Macon began to slide out of the

booth. 

 

"Come on, John Boy, and show me how it's done. You know all my tickle

spots so I'm not worried. 

 

That set me off again. They left us sitting there, me gasping for breath

and Walter looking daggers at me. I knew I'd better make up with him soon

or I wouldn't be getting it kissed better. 

 

I slid around the booth seat closer to him. Sticking out my tongue, I ran

it along the curve of his ear and down his throat as far as I could go

then started sucking a mark on his skin. 

 

"Stop that!" 

 

"But you taste so good, sweet cake." 

 

"Alex." His growl reminding me about his aversion to being called pet

names. 

 

"Come on, sugar pie. I'll make you feel so good." 

 

"One more, Alex. Just one more." 

 

"One more and what, honey buns?" 

 

Grabbing my hand, he slid out of the booth. Once I was on my feet he

threw some bills on the table. Then pulled me roughly from the room. I

tried to keep a straight face as he hauled me into the elevator. 

 

It was late, and we were the only ones in there. Good thing, I guess,

since I was about to get 'punished'. He turned me and pushed me hard

against the mirrored wall. Grinding into to me, I could feel his erection

slotting against my ass crack. 

 

"You're gonna pay for that one, boy." 

 

"God, I hope so. I'm fucking tired of being treated like porcelain." 

 

"Maybe you'll end up with a new scar tonight." 

 

I smiled at his lecherous reflection in the mirror. Turning to suck at

his throat I felt his heartbeat, steady and strong. His hand slipped

between us and settled over my heart. 

 

Forever just a heartbeat away. 

 

The end 

 

Longest Highway -- Alison Krauss and Union Station 

 

Lost in the silence 

Surrounded by daydreams 

Holding that someone that's holding my heart Thrilled with the memory 

Of the smile that you gave me 

Gives a close feeling 

Though we're far apart 

 

The longest highway runs between us 

Though you're just a heartbeat away 

When I think of you, my heart knows no difference I've got you with me

every day 

 

If I could be anywhere 

I'd truly be with you 

Then once feel the embrace of your hand in mine The longest highway 

Can sure seem forever 

Through every daydream 

I feel closer each time 

 

The longest highway runs between us 

Though you're just a heartbeat away 

When I think of you, my heart knows no difference I've got you with me

every day 

 

A Valinch is a large `pipette', used for removal of samples from casks,

that originated from both France and Spain. This is not a gimmick

bottling, unlike all apparently `special' bottlings, the Valinch is

reserved exclusively to visitors to the distillery itself and cannot be

obtained any other way. 

 

To authenticate this, the distillery has paid the duty on a single butt

so that each customer when provided with a unique 50cls Bruichladdich

bottle, is obliged to fill it personally, directly from the cask,

unfiltered at cask strength, using the Valinch. It is then corked,

capsuled and dressed with a label bearing the cask details and that is

both numbered, dated and signed by the distillery manager, Duncan

MacGillivray. 

 

While we accept that some of these Valinches will never be consumed, the

casks have been selected by Jim for their sex appeal, individuality and

suitability as a stand alone bottling, suitable for enjoyment at a low

cask strength of around 47% - 53% alcohol. Valinches can only be collected

in person from the distillery.


End file.
